[DAY 101 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
Reclaiming yourself means walking the path back to your wholeness.
I was scrolling on Linked-In today when I came across a video from a known Business Mentor and Mindset Expert. The headline was “You are the reason you aren’t scaling your business.”
I didn’t even have to watch the video to know what would be the message inside it. The same ol’ fear mongering that leads to “yeah there must be something wrong with me, that’s why I need X, Y and Z to fix it.”
The number 1 ammunition Patriarchy has against us – creating separation from our whole self to feel lack, not good enough and FOMO!
I get why people do that. It sells.
But when you walk the path of integrity, you’ll know that it’s much more fulfilling guiding people towards their wholeness than away from it.
A Rich Lady knows that in Reclaiming Herself, she can find all her answers within, instead of looking for them outside.
When I work with women, many of them want to clarify their purpose, find their zone of genius, uplevel their business and want to know how to attract more clients, opportunities and wealth.
Every single answer to that question is within you. Me or any mentor in the world can’t give you the answer. But I can show you the mirror, guide you to where the answer is (hint: it’s within you!)
My words won’t be enough though. I could say “you have everything inside of you to create a successful business. You are inherently worthy and valuable”, it’s still not going to matter.
It’s not for me to confirm to you that you are worthy and you are valuable.
It is for YOU to reclaim.
Your wholeness. So that you can access the truest part of yourself that will always give you the answers you need.
Those answers won’t come from your head. And, you certainly cannot reclaim yourself by “thinking happy thoughts”
The process of reclaiming isn’t as pretty as pinning your Vision Board & buying crystals.
Honestly it’s messy AF!
And, our culture has done everything possible to make you stay away from it as much as possible. In our modern world, everything is designed to keep you out of your body and in your head.
When you are in your head, you cannot access your truth. Answers to life’s most meaningful questions will never ever come from your head. The head is a source of your mental energy, the head is logical, strategic. It is masculine energy.
Masculine energy is meant to serve the feminine. The masculine within you puts ideas into action. But the masculine was never meant to access the ideas. Yet, this is the model that we have created for ourselves today.
When we stay in our head all the time, we stay in a loop of beliefs and thoughts, such as, I’m not good enough, I can’t charge more, I won’t do a good job with the client, so on and so forth. This totally cut us off from our hearts. From our feminine energy, which is intuiting, feeling and being. That’s where the right answers and ideas come from.
By reclaiming ourselves, we put our feminine and masculine in balance so that we can access those empowering thoughts, ideas and beliefs and thus put them into action.
Trust me when you do this, you’ll never look outside of yourself for answers.
I’m sure you are thinking “this all sounds good Dee, but how do I reclaim myself?”
But before I answer that, let’s explain why we get separated from ourselves, from our wholeness.
We were all born with complete bliss. With the knowing that we are enough, whole and complete. We knew that all our needs would be met. Over time, we went through experiences and we were told by our parents, caregivers, friends, bullies, co-workers that we weren’t enough. That we are too much, or too plain. Too thin or too fat. Too smart or too dumb. Too outspoken or too quiet.
Slowly as we experienced these events, we kept losing ourselves, bit by bit. And that part got frozen in time. Because, we pushed down our feelings.
We didn’t let our bodies process it. The emotion got stuck and turned it into a mass of frozen wounds that festered.
I know in my life everytime I pushed my emotions, I created a belief. When I was a teenager my sister once told me that I was ugly and that I shouldn’t come to her when she’s with her friends. I didn’t cry. I didn’t show any emotions. I turned my palms into a fist, felt my throat burn with sadness and tears that wanted to come out. But I didn’t let it. I swallowed it. For years, I believed what she had said.
I believed that I was ugly and not good enough to be even seen with people. I had a huge inferiority complex that I masked with brazen over confidence.
On the outside, I was this confident and slightly angry girl who no one wanted to mess with. But deep down, I lost a part of my power and my worth that day. My little girl froze.
When I reclaimed her, I allowed her to feel. Feel the sadness, the shock, the anger, all of it. It wasn’t pretty. It was messy. But when I unfroze that little girl and brought her back into my heart, I clicked back a piece of myself that was missing all these years.
I reclaimed my power, my worthiness and my beauty.
In the book, Women Who Run With Wolves, author Clarissa Pinkole-Estés, shares the story of this mythical woman who roams around the forest and collects bones of wolves. She then takes the bones back to her cave and by the fire, she sings and puts those bones together. One by one. And as she finds the last tiny bone, the tailbone, and puts it back into its place, the wolf comes alive. It gets up and starts to run out the door. And as it runs, it turns into a woman. A wild woman. With red, orange and blue hair. She is wild, she is too much. And now she’s finally complete.
When we collect pieces of ourselves scattered through time, we too become complete. We too reclaim our wholeness and truly became The Wild Women that we all are.
P.S – I highly recommend working with a trained mentor/coach/therapist when you are working with any of your suppressed emotions. Not doing so can be dangerous. In addition, if you have undergone significant trauma, please go to a licenced therapist. They have years of education and necessary experience to help you uncover these emotions in a safe way.