[DAY 68 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
Picture this
You are running late for an important doctor’s appointment. You are driving, cussing at every single car that’s not moving any faster. Then, all of a sudden a car stops in front of you, in the middle of a street.
Causing the traffic to stop.
You are right behind this car. Doctor’s office is a block away and it’s a single lane. You know the car is making a drop, so you wait. 2 seconds, 5 second, 15 seconds.
You can see movement inside the car but whoever it is, isn’t getting out. You start getting impatient. Maybe even slightly angry. If you miss this appointment, it will throw your entire day off, you’ll miss your call, you’ll be late to pick up your kids.
“Why can’t they just hurry up and get out”
Now it’s been a full minute or two and the car still hasn’t moved, neither has someone exited the car.
For all you know, this person has slept behind the wheels.
“What a moron” you mutter under your breath. You can feel your chest tighten, you are getting angrier by the minute. Maybe you even start honking.
Then after what feels like eternity to you, someone slowly emerges out of the car.
An old woman. She could be your grandma or your great grandma even.
You can see she is trying her best to stand up. But she is shaking with old age and you notice her leg is in a plaster. It’s taking her time and the driver is helping her to get out and stand on her crutches.
Notice how your feelings change now.
How they move from anger to understanding to maybe even compassion.
Maybe you get out of the car to help her.
Maybe you just stop honking and mouth “sorry” to the driver.
Are you still concerned about getting late for your appointment?
My guess is you have piped down. You get it. You have a grandma or a grandpa who is old and frail and fragile. And god if it was them, you won’t want an a**hole honking on them, right?
What you just had was a Paradigm Shift.
A paradigm is the way we see, understand, and interpret the world; our mental map.
And, we see what we are conditioned to see. Our paradigms are conditioned by our upbringing, environment and experiences.
A paradigm shift is when we remove that lens and have a perspective shift.
Stephen Covey, author of the acclaimed book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People based his book on paradigms shifts.
Fun Fact – I am a certified trainer for 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I trained over 300 people on it back in my corporate role.
Stephen Covey said “If you want small changes, work on your behavior; if you want quantum leap changes, work on your paradigms”
I used to tell my students, When you SEE a change, SEA changes happen.
Just like your perspective shifted after you saw the old woman coming out of the car and you no longer felt the anger.
It’s the principle of See-Do-Get
How you SEE is how you BEHAVE (or Do) is what you GET
The results we get in life depend on what we do. What we do in life depends on how we see the world and how we see ourselves.
It all starts with having a Paradigm Shift or in other words, how you see differently.
Your beliefs can then go from:
“I am not a good writer” TO “I may not be the best writer but I’ll become better by practicing it”
“I cannot have a successful business” TO “Lots of people have started with less than what I have, I think I have a shot at this”
“I am not good on Video” TO “Let me try it and see if I can get good at it”
It’s a slight Paradigm shift but when repeated can change your behavior over time.
Try this Exercise to experience this:
Think of something you’ve been telling yourself instead of taking action on it.
Taking my example;
I don’t understand LinkedIn. I’ll never be good at it.
The paradigm shift can be “Okay I don’t understand it but that’s because there is a learning curve. If I ask for help and then try my hand on it, who knows I might get it.”
See how subtle it is?
Infact I did have this paradigm shift and after saying it to myself a few times, I did ask for help and even though I am nowhere close to being a rockstar at it, I am starting to get it.
The key is to keep it simple and be consistent. Remember when you SEE a change, SEE changes happen.