[DAY 34 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
You were my first love, but now I effin’ despise you, you needy son of a bitch!
Burnout Coach, Caitlin Donovan advises that you should start a resentment journal instead of a gratitude journal when you’re burnt out AND the truth is I am soooo burnt out with Instagram.
Social media in general, but this bitch is the worst.
Instagram is 100% a trigger for me.
Maybe it’s because I once knew the ins and outs of the platform so it kinda felt like I ruled it, y’know? (well that’s what it wanted me to think, it has always ruled me (and you!)
But now it has become even more needy, greedy and an overall nasty little bitch.
Yes, I am gonna cuss a lot in this one. That’s what you do in a resentment journal.
Last week I posted something on Insta and had zero bites. Like it wasn’t even seen and that’s when I lost it.
The same thing happened on facebook but you know facebook is like the old grandpa. You don’t know why he didn’t respond, is it ‘cause he forgot his hearing aids at home or because he dozed off while you were speaking.
But when this happens on Insta, it’s like High School all over. When that hot guy passed by you without even looking up.
I am sexy in a cute little outfit and you didn’t even see that?
That shit is crazy and beyond me!!!
So I got really pissed at 3 of its likes it spit out at me and I went mad.
Like, Khaleesi in the final episode of Game of Thrones mad!
I was almost gonna delete my account but I stopped.
Instead I deleted my followers.
Almost 2500 of them!!
It took me about 4 days and honestly I can keep going for another 1000 or 2
Although by this point, I’d probably be better off starting a new account (lol!)
It feels so good y’all! There was definitely a time where I was determined to have a sizeable following on Instagram but my objective was always to have great conversations.
And I totally did!
But now letting go of the dead weight seems so satisfying.
Those great connections aren’t happening to me on IG. It’s not because there aren’t awesome people there. It’s because the platform demands so much from you and gives you so less.
I get it. They want us to pay for ads and they don’t want us to get off or make other users get off their app.
So we spend more and more time there. I am definitely guilty of mindlessly scrolling even when my child is begging for some attention.
And then when we don’t get the attention back aka fucking engagement, we feel like we aren’t good enough.
We don’t look good.
Our content isn’t good enough.
When did we give so much of our power away to Instagram?
On the flip side, when people do get engagement or a spike in following, it gives them a hit of endorphins that makes them feel superior.
ring. ring. ring. Been there, done that!
None of this is good!
“If you hate it so much why don’t you get off the platform then?”
I’ve said this to myself a million times, more so in the year that shall not be named.
Maybe you’re saying it too.
All I can say is it’s a complicated relationship.
If Instagram was a person, he’d be a narcissist and we’d all be either in a dysfunctional relationship with him or in therapy about it or both!
No. I am not going anywhere.
I don’t want to miss out on sharing my Peloton workouts or taking selfies with filters that make me feel so good about myself.
Nah, the FOMO of leaving is way too much.
Complaining about it feels way better.
Not that I can do anything against the douchebag, other than deleting my own followers which TBH sounds stupid but feels so good!
Like I triggered their algorithm and made them look.
Just like how I flirted with the hot guy’s best friend and made him look.
I have issues.
Instagram sucks. Unless I get more likes, then it’s golden!