[DAY 33 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
I want to write about Money today.
It’s such a sticky topic
In the last 4 years I have completely transformed my relationship with money.
I went from spending all the money I made to having saved $90k just in 2020.
With no debt.
There’s nothing wrong with debt, but there’s a few good lessons I learned from my mom and my dad about money and one of them was about debt
From my mom – you won’t take the money to your grave, enjoy your life!
From my dad – Always pay your credit card in full every month.
But don’t make a mistake, my amorous relationship with money is no accident.
I’ve worked on it.
I’ve changed my beliefs and let go of the old money stories.
For example; one of my biggest belief was “you have to work very hard to make money”
I read books, said affirmations, did a ton of energy work, EFT and everything under the sun to let this one go.
Finally it did. I subconsciously stopped believing that you have to work hard to make more money. And as soon as I did, I made a shit ton of money
P.S – you can muscle test to see which beliefs are active in your subconscious and which aren’t.
But why am I talking about Money today?
I’ll share in a sec but first I want to mention that Money is such a wide topic and maybe soon I’ll do more writing on it but today I want to share with you a paradigm that changed another belief of mine.
Guilt about spending money.
For the longest time I was a stay-at-home mom who used to get an allowance from my husband. I used to call it my “pedicure money”
Of course he used to pay for everything I spent my money on; including my heavy shopping addiction – – but my allowance went for anything else I wanted to do.
And trust me I used to spend every dime of it except the money I needed to maintain a minimum balance in my account which was $1400.
One of the things I always wanted to do was getting the “spa pedicure” upgrade with the 10 minute extra massage.
Gosh, I pined for it. But every time I’d go to the salon, I couldn’t muster the courage to get the upgrade.
I felt so guilty for spending that extra $$$
1 year into my business, when I stopped taking allowance from my husband because I was making enough money for myself, I would still feel guilty about getting the damn upgrade.
Not only that, I had zero issues spending anywhere between $10000 – $50000 on my business but when I go to buy a $10 underwear, I’d think over it a thousand times and if I did buy it, it would come with a whiplash of guilt.
WTF was happening ???
I always say this;
“Your Self Worth will determine your Net Worth but your Net Worth has no implication on your Self Worth.”
Meaning you can have a million dollars in your bank account and still not feel worthy about buying yourself a new pair of underwear.
That’s another lesson I learned from my mom – never wear underwear that’s loose or has holes in it. It affects your self confidence.
Well, duh! Ofcourse it does.
But how many times do we do things like this?
We won’t use our makeup because we are saving it for a special occasion.
We’ll keep using the ratty handbag even though at this point it looks more like a rag than a bag.
We’ll save the special martini glass we got as a wedding gift for years only to find that it’s now broken and you never got a chance to sip from it.
How else do you avoid pleasure and self love?
For me it was buying something and then walking around with a mouth that felt like cement. That’s how uncomfortable and guilty I was using my own money on myself.
But money and I have been on a long rehabilitative journey.
It has taken a whole lot of reclamation of my Self Worth, understanding money as energy and how it flows and owning my Rich Lady Behaviors, to come to a place where I can not only spend my money guilt free but actually feel empowered by that decision.
Like today, I went into the Apple Store with my faulty MacBook thinking I’ll be in and out in 20 minutes.
After 4 hours I was faced with a decision: pay up $500 and get this thing fixed or pay $1000 and buy a brand new MacBook.
I happily walked out of the store with a new MacBook, thrilled not only with my new machine but also the fact that 2 Apple Employees offered me a “student discount” because they thought I was in college.
My Mantra “I love myself enough to allow myself the pleasures of life”
And yes, that includes a fucking Spa Pedicure every time!