[DAY 24 OF THE DEEP END PROJECT]
I am really excited to break this process down for you. My hope is that this will demystify the “inner child” work you keep hearing about in Spiritual Circles and you’ll have an understanding on how to calm down your fears and re-align yourself to love.
First, it’s really important to understand that there are really only 2 emotions.
FEAR and LOVE.
Every other emotion lies between these two opposite ends.
Gratitude, Hope, Judgement, Anger, Grief, Sadness; these are all on the spectrum of emotions with LOVE on one side and FEAR on the other end.
You can take any emotion you feel in the moment. When you look under the hood, you’ll either find Love or Fear.
So for example; let’s say you are scrolling on the internet and you see a peer announcing her $100k month or a book launch. You immediately start seething in anger or judgement.
You might even feel your chest tighten.
In a classic Patriarchal society where we’ve been trained to look away from our emotions, and never feel them, you would numb yourself with more scrolling, perhaps you’ll call your friend and gossip about it or without knowing you may start eating, drinking, binge watching Netflix.
Basically, you’ll do anything to avoid the pain of “feeling”
But if you were to pay attention to the feeling and the emotion and start getting curious, start looking under the hood, you will see that the core emotion is Fear.
You may be feeling angry about her success, but you may actually be Fearful of putting your Offer out there because you fear no-one will buy it.
The “stuffing of our emotions” is the real pandemic no one talks about.
It’s the cause of so many diseases and mental health problems.
Humans are the only species who take on generations and generations of pain and disease to avoid a little discomfort and dis-ease.
Because if you did look at the fear, you’ll find a real opportunity to not only dissipate the fear but also find out something truly magnificent thing about you in the moment.
So let’s break it down, shall we?
How to go from Fear to Love in 4
Simple is subjective here ofcourse. I won’t lie to you. This is one of the hardest and yet most rewarding and life changing work you can do for yourself.
And yes, it can be simple. Sometimes.
And sometimes it can be hard.
Just like cooking a meal.
Sometimes the recipe is easy to follow and other times, especially if you are cooking a Duck Pâté en Croûte it can be hard and time consuming.
But if you have the recipe and the ingredients and you keep practicing, one day you can master it.
Let’s take the same example;
You are triggered by your peer’s success. You decide to keep the phone down and look under the hood.
You ask yourself “I feel angry and judgy right now, but what’s really underneath it?”
The answer you get “The truth is I am so scared to launch this offer because what if it doesn’t fly.”
Fear of Rejection.
Congratulations, you have reached the core of your emotion. Good job!
This image is a perfect illustration of how you might feel in this moment.
Cornered. Scared. Frightened.
Now let’s start shifting this fear back to love, slowly and gently.
First thing you want to do, be gentle with yourself.
You are doing what no one taught you in school, colleges or perhaps your home.
Yes as babies and young kids, we were born with an innate ability to feel our emotions and discharge them. But, somewhere around age 7, we started pushing down our scream.
We bottled up our feelings and emotions to be good kids, then good adults.
So be very gentle.
It might help in knowing at this point that this fear you are feeling is not your enemy.
Infact it has a very important message for you. But in order to receive that message, you have to look at it.
Don’t turn your back to it.
Look at it in its eyes.
Now what would that look like in real life?
You might want to cry.
You might want to scream (Screaming into pillows and in shower are tried and tested by me)
You might want to shake (Animals release emotions by shaking)
Honestly, don’t force this.
When you decide that you won’t ignore it and push it down, it will tell you what it wants you to do.
Look at it. Listen carefully and do what it asks.
*There’s no set time limit for this. It might take minutes, hours or even days. But when you allow yourself to feel, most emotions are ready for next Step within minutes.
Something beautiful happens when you look at your fear, listen to it and allow yourself to feel it.
It changes from a monster to a version of you.
Ask her “what do you need in this moment?”
She might say “I don’t want you to reject me”
“Stay with me”
“Spend time with me”
Or, she might say “I want to play or I am tired, I want to rest”
Or she might need some ice cream.
Pull her in your embrace and give her what she needs.
This was the wisdom behind your fear. The message for you, from your inner child.
When you give her what she needs, you are ready to shift this fear.
Emotions are like little babies. They just want attention.
When my boys were toddlers, they used to cry and cry till I picked them. Sometimes it was very hard for me.
I’d be doing laundry or cooking or carrying groceries home. But if I stopped for a few minutes, they would calm down and go back to whatever they were doing in just a few minutes.
Your Fear is your inner child.
Perhaps she experienced something when she was little that froze that emotion for her.
Maybe she was playing at the playground and none of the kids wanted to play with her.
She formed an idea about the world and herself that day. “If I show up, I will be rejected.”
And even after years, this fear is still there.
Give it love.
Tell her you are there.
Tell she is not going to be rejected.
Give her what she needs.
And watch the fear disappear.
The relationship between you and your inner child is the most important relationship you can cultivate. Spend some time in knowing her. Prioritize taking care of her.
The more you do this, more moments of love and joy you’ll feel in life.
These images were shared with me by my friend. Unfortunately, we could not find the original creator. If anyone knows, pls let me know I’d love to credit them.