The Deep End Project – 120 Days of Full Self Expression [DAY 1]

DAY 1

 

If you are reading this, Hi! 

Maybe we know each other. Maybe we don’t.

But If you stick around, I think you’ll get an idea of who I am.

But before you make up your mind about sticking around, let me tell you a few things about myself.

I am a 3/5 Manifestor (Human Design), Emotional Authority

This means I am great at initiating things.

Not so great at finishing them.

I make my decisions based on how I feel.

And the Line 3 and 5 means that I learn by experience (trial and error) and I teach what I’ve learned.

I am also a High Quick Start (in Kolbe)

And very low on Follow Through and Implementation.

So this seems like a very bad idea.

120 days of deep writing. 

Every Day.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen in 10 days, 20 days or 120 days.

But the Manifestor in me would not shut up if I didn’t do it.

Why am I doing this?

I don’t know.

Kind of a stupid answer, if you think about it.

But that’s the thing. 

We think about things A LOT!

That’s where we have it so wrong as a society.

“Culture of walking heads”

But the best decisions aren’t taken from the head. 

They are taken from your heart, your gut (solar plexus) and especially for women, their womb.

So I’ve felt about it (remember, I am an Emotional Authority) and even though, this may seem like a silly thing to do, a waste of time, as some would say….

….I feel this is what my soul needs right now.

And if you are reading, perhaps yours do too.

So stick around, dear reader! As long as I do, I think you are gonna find some nugget(s) here.

I do want to make it very clear though. I am not doing it for you. I am doing it for myself.

And I want to encourage you to do things for yourself too.

So what is it exactly? I don’t think I’ve explained it yet.

The Deep End Project.

Everyday, for 120 days, I am going deep into Full Self Expression.

No agenda. No fixed topic. I am gonna talk about what I want to talk about.

Full. Self. Expression.

Think of it as Seth Godin meets Carrie Bradshaw. 

At least, that’s what I am saying to myself.

Why Deep?

If you’re thinking “coz your name is deepshikha?”

NOPE!

Side Note – my name has got nothing to do with deep. It’s actually pronounced “Thee-p-shi-kha”.

“Thee” as in “Benjamin, how did thee learn to draw such a picture?”

So what does “deep” have to do with this absolutely nutso project?

Simple. 

We are all shallow, pretentious beings living in a pretentious shallow “Tik Tok” world and I am so over it.

Told ya, I am doing it for myself.

Going to be honest. I talked myself out of it a million times.

Fear is the biggest torture of all 

Most of the fear we feel today lives in our body. Almost all of it is subconscious.

And omg I felt fear. 

Fear of failure. 

Fear of being judged.

Fear of being called out.

I didn’t even know I had this fear, it was so deep in my subconscious and masked with all the confidence I have. 

“This will kill your business”

“People are gonna say who the f does she think she is?”

“You’ll make a mistake and then someone will call you out.”

I brought all this fear to my Spiritual Mentor. 

She asked me to sit with it. To look at it.

I closed my eyes. And repeated the fear to myself.

“I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid of being judged.”

I could feel the fear scratching my throat (no kiddin’ right, self expression is directly related to throat chakra)

She directed me to keep my fingers on my throat and keep repeating the words.

Something started moving. 

It was as if the fear was changing it’s shape.

It got bigger. Deeper. 

It said to me “No. Actually you are afraid of being discarded. Forgotten. Unseen”

Flash of memories from my childhood where I felt discarded. Forgotten. Unseen.

I started speaking “I am afraid of being discarded. Forgotten. Unseen”

And then I started laughing.

Like a crazy maniac laugh.

I mean can you imagine? I am a 37 yr old, grown woman, making my own money. Who the heck has the power to discard me?

Sounds ridiculous. But not to her!

Me as a 7 yr old.

She says to me “I feel unseen. Look at me. Stay with me. Stay present”

“I have things to say. Wisdom to share. I need you to listen. Pay attention.”

I did. I saw her. I paid attention and then she asked me to do it for myself. 

For my 37 yr self.

This is what The Deep End Project is.

Paying attention to how I feel.  What I want to say.

To see myself. To stay present.

I have things to say. Wisdom to share. 

Full Self Expression.

That’s all.